All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
