and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
