i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You ate ashes out of my bong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
