i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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