i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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