Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
