It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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