I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
its liver damage thursday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
