this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
