i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
