Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you win again, gameday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
