He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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