u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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