note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
