I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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