I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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