I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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