Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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