On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
