I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
