Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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