I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
