I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
