At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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