You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
