I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
