The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
