i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
