Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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