he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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