oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
