I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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