My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
