im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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