I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
