Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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