And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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