just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
