2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
