I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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