I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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