Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
whose parrot is this?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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