at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
