Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
