Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I could fuck to npr.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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