So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
