you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
