Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this boner is exhausting
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I checked into jail on foursquare
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
