Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
