brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
