Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
